Taking the Big Plunge: Worst Ways to Die

Today I sat down and reminisced in my tiny azz dorm room about Chicago and how easy it was to die in such a place. People can get shot in Chicago at any given time, but what about all those miscellaneous deaths. What would be the worst way to die, thus I bring you my five...

1. Taking a Sh!t- A reason why they warn you not to strain while your on the toilet is because it is quite possible that you could f^cking die, seriously. I warn you that those moments where it seems the $hit wont come down and you tighten your stomach, stomp your foot, or push as hard as you can; forget it just chill, easy does it. You cold have fucking died. When you die your bowels, so conversely your getting the job done.
-Sidebar: What pisses me off more is when you strain hard as hell, and a f^ucking pebble comes out.

2. While having Sex- Those of you who have asthma, have no air conditioning, or ol schoolers. Banging it out without the proper precautions could end with not only your d!ck being limp. Have you ever been banging it out, making em grip the sheets with they toes, but you're so tired you could faint: switch it up and juice it.

3. While Cheating- Nothing would be worst than dying while you were dipping off to your secret lover's house. Two words- Steve McNair. Because your wife would have a hard time mourning for your azz, if you was f^cking wth ol girl from the block.

4. While Masturbating-This would be quite embarrassing. Like what if you were watching Big Oil'd Booties 5 and just blacked out. First of all, who would you want to find you?

5. Choking on a Piece of Food- Like a piece of Chicken, a Rib Tip, or even a McRip- For real, 3000 people per year die from choking on food. The real question is what piece of food would you want to be found having choked on? Like if you were black, would a sunflower seed be a bad look or if you were Hispanic, a refried bean would just be bogus right? Smh.

Do you fear death? What way do you not want to die? Who would you have speak, if you could choose anyone, at your funeral?