Are You, Wife Material or a Wifey? REVISITED
Are You Wife Material or a Wifey happens to be my third most read post to date. Not only do women want to be successful in their careers, but ultimately they want to be boo'd up, to find a man, get married, have great sex and have beautiful children. The last post was said to be vague, and it left some readers more frustrated than they were before they read it. So how do you know you're a Wife-to-Be rather than just a Wifey? Well refer back to part one. But if you want to know what men look for in the women they choose to wife up, then read this Are You, Wife Material or aWifey? REVISITED, theSUNK's Top 20...
Independent, Interdependent, Dependent
Will you self-destruct if he’s not around for a day or two? Is your existence dependent upon him? Equally, do you shun his assistance? Can you take his help or do you want to be the man? Have you been doing for yourself for so long that you've forgot how to be taken care of? Answering yes to any of these questions isn't good. Men want a woman that is balanced, a woman that possesses her own interests, yet wants (rather than needs) her man to be around.
Party Girl
It's fine to go out every once in a while. But a man will never wife a chick that likes shaking her a$$ more than spending time at home. My Unc told me a long time ago that I would appreciate a woman that's a homebody...
Family Ailments
Men, like women, think about what hereditary issues their boo might have that can be passed to their children. If you have lupus, asthma, or glaucoma that runs through your family, that's something of importance. Even the small stuff like the men being short in your family could turn a man off, because they don't want to have short children.
Do You Make Sense
When you bring an issue to him about some discrepancy with a friend, family member, etc., does your argument sound coherent or do you just assume that he will always take your side? Can you be unbiased and admit when you are in the wrong or have jumped the gun? Or are you a woman that can't take being wrong and would rather be right than fair? Sometimes women would rather when the fight or verbal spat, than actually solve the problem that they are arguing about.
Worst Day
On your worst day, that includes no make-up, no weave/recent do, and even when you're not feeling yourself, How do you look? Men often can be turned on or turned off by the after sex you. More than 60% of the time in marriage you won't be all dolled up. On those days, men decide if they are still as attracted to you as they were the first time they saw you.
Problem Solving; Handle Adversity: Step In
When you're stressed out, how do you handle it? Do you panic? Do you remain calm? Do you have a breakdown? Men want to understand the load they will have to bear when it comes time to console you. The way you handle stress may impact your partner just as much as it impacts you. No one wants to end up with the worrier.
Forgiveness
No man wants a woman that is hard on forgiveness, yet no man wants a woman that is too forgiving. Men need a balance of backbone and leniency. If you make him pay for a mistake, don't continue to bring it up; that shows you haven't truly forgiven him. People make mistakes, but no man will stay with a woman that lets him turn mistakes into habits.
Conscience of Self and World; Volunteer
You don't have to be Angela Davis or some activist crime fighting soul sista, but please be aware of the social conditions around you. Please be aware that though it is hard being a Black woman, it might beeven a little tougher being a Black man. Be empathetic to his condition and hopefully he will reciprocate and understand your struggle. Men like bad b!tches, not selfish and heartless b!tches. Men pay close attention to how you treat others.
Nurture/Potential to Be a Mother
Does he respect you? Can he see you being the mother of his children? Potential husbands usually want to be fathers and they want a respectable woman to raise their children. A man’s weakness is a woman that is kind to every human being.
Get It, Spend It
When we first meet you and during the early dating stages, men do their homework and notice your spending habits. They're trying to figure out if you’re high maintenance and how much you may cost them in the long run. They are also trying to see if you are fair when it comes to spending habits, e.g.,“Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay,” or some other method. A man will not wife a chick with bad spending habits, especially if he doesn't believe he can foot the bills. Money will ruin any good relationship.
Sexually Satisfy
Does he have sex with you because he likes you or because he likes sex with you? A man will have sex with the main woman in his life, not always because she's the best sexual partner, but sometimes out of convenience. In the back of his mind, however, he has already decided if you can either keep him satisfied for the rest of his life and quench his sexual appetite, or if you're just the next best thing to his hand.
Wit vs. Intelligence
You graduated from college with a 3.6 and you were in the top ten percent in your class, so you think you're hot sh!t...nope you're not. There's a difference between being intelligent and witty: intelligence gets you a job and wittiness gets you a husband. Wit is when you can jokingly tell your boyfriend to get his sh!t together without him feeling attacked. Wit is when you can talk slicker than he can and make him happy rather than just make him smile. Wit is the difference between a nagging girlfriend and a woman you don't want to disappoint.
Fitness and Appearance Management
Before a man gets married, he evaluates your ability to maintain your weight and appearance. So many marriages end because of looks. A man may become resentful toward his wife because she didn't maintain the image that hooked him in the first place. There is some wiggle room for children, work, etc., but men are visual creatures. Honestly, men fall off too but we're talking wife material.
Annoyance
Women are sometimes annoying, not in necessarily bad ways, but just "I wanna be up under my man" ways. There will be times that you guys will be in close quarters with one another and he’ll have to ask himself if he could do this without killing you. If he can endure this, most likely you're a keeper. If your innocent yet redundant questions don't bother him, then that man loves you...take my word for it.
True Friends
Regardless of the good sex or the other stuff, are you all genuinely good friends? Does he confide in you? Does he share his most intimate thoughts with you, without a fear of you being judgmental? Can you make your man laugh and forget about his worries? Making your man smile is just as important as making him cum.
Argue Fairly
At one point or another, men usually come to the understanding that they will never be able to out talk or out-argue a woman. As a woman, however, you should understand that sometimes it’s better to be loved than to be right. Every little thing isn't worth an all out verbal brawl. You should also know that you cannot tell a person who they are(liar, cheater, etc.), you can only tell them what they do.
Loyalty
A man wants a woman that is loyal. This is the predominant component of male-male friendships. Loyalty and honesty are the end all, be all of a relationship. Even if the two of you have children, he should come before them. Even in the Bible, God said "God first, spouse second, children third, and church last." The only thing that should be able to get between you and him should be clothes(when you're in public). <- or not. Lol
Overwhelm His Senses
The reason why men cheat is because we like variety. Become his variety, stay on top of your game. If he likes sexy black pumps, wear 'em. He likes that Lotus Flower Bomb sh!t, cop it. Take interest in and take heed of the things that he likes and loves. Know that man better than he knows himself. If his interests change, take notes. Study your man, but don't try to figure him out; just enjoy the subject.
Hope/Optimist/Support
Nothing may be more important than a woman who supports her man's endeavors(rational). A woman needs to be her man's cheerleader, just as he should be for her. If he has an idea, you should support him. If you all got divorced you would want half, so every effort in forwarding himself as a man, you both should go half.
Impress Them All- Moms, The Boys, Even the Ex's
What is the impression that you have on the people in his life? Their opinions will matter once he believes he has courted you enough in solitude. Can you gain his mother's trust? Can you make his boys laugh? Can you make his ex, you know, the one who doesn't want to leave the picture, respect you because even she can see that you're a good woman? Can you woo his boss and work family? He needs to know that you won't fold in these relationships and that you will be an asset rather than a person he has to defend every time you leave the room.
Independent, Interdependent, Dependent
Will you self-destruct if he’s not around for a day or two? Is your existence dependent upon him? Equally, do you shun his assistance? Can you take his help or do you want to be the man? Have you been doing for yourself for so long that you've forgot how to be taken care of? Answering yes to any of these questions isn't good. Men want a woman that is balanced, a woman that possesses her own interests, yet wants (rather than needs) her man to be around.
Party Girl
It's fine to go out every once in a while. But a man will never wife a chick that likes shaking her a$$ more than spending time at home. My Unc told me a long time ago that I would appreciate a woman that's a homebody...
Family Ailments
Men, like women, think about what hereditary issues their boo might have that can be passed to their children. If you have lupus, asthma, or glaucoma that runs through your family, that's something of importance. Even the small stuff like the men being short in your family could turn a man off, because they don't want to have short children.
Do You Make Sense
When you bring an issue to him about some discrepancy with a friend, family member, etc., does your argument sound coherent or do you just assume that he will always take your side? Can you be unbiased and admit when you are in the wrong or have jumped the gun? Or are you a woman that can't take being wrong and would rather be right than fair? Sometimes women would rather when the fight or verbal spat, than actually solve the problem that they are arguing about.
Worst Day
On your worst day, that includes no make-up, no weave/recent do, and even when you're not feeling yourself, How do you look? Men often can be turned on or turned off by the after sex you. More than 60% of the time in marriage you won't be all dolled up. On those days, men decide if they are still as attracted to you as they were the first time they saw you.
Problem Solving; Handle Adversity: Step In
When you're stressed out, how do you handle it? Do you panic? Do you remain calm? Do you have a breakdown? Men want to understand the load they will have to bear when it comes time to console you. The way you handle stress may impact your partner just as much as it impacts you. No one wants to end up with the worrier.
Forgiveness
No man wants a woman that is hard on forgiveness, yet no man wants a woman that is too forgiving. Men need a balance of backbone and leniency. If you make him pay for a mistake, don't continue to bring it up; that shows you haven't truly forgiven him. People make mistakes, but no man will stay with a woman that lets him turn mistakes into habits.
Conscience of Self and World; Volunteer
You don't have to be Angela Davis or some activist crime fighting soul sista, but please be aware of the social conditions around you. Please be aware that though it is hard being a Black woman, it might beeven a little tougher being a Black man. Be empathetic to his condition and hopefully he will reciprocate and understand your struggle. Men like bad b!tches, not selfish and heartless b!tches. Men pay close attention to how you treat others.
Nurture/Potential to Be a Mother
Does he respect you? Can he see you being the mother of his children? Potential husbands usually want to be fathers and they want a respectable woman to raise their children. A man’s weakness is a woman that is kind to every human being.
Get It, Spend It
When we first meet you and during the early dating stages, men do their homework and notice your spending habits. They're trying to figure out if you’re high maintenance and how much you may cost them in the long run. They are also trying to see if you are fair when it comes to spending habits, e.g.,“Sometimes I pay, sometimes you pay,” or some other method. A man will not wife a chick with bad spending habits, especially if he doesn't believe he can foot the bills. Money will ruin any good relationship.
Sexually Satisfy
Does he have sex with you because he likes you or because he likes sex with you? A man will have sex with the main woman in his life, not always because she's the best sexual partner, but sometimes out of convenience. In the back of his mind, however, he has already decided if you can either keep him satisfied for the rest of his life and quench his sexual appetite, or if you're just the next best thing to his hand.
Wit vs. Intelligence
You graduated from college with a 3.6 and you were in the top ten percent in your class, so you think you're hot sh!t...nope you're not. There's a difference between being intelligent and witty: intelligence gets you a job and wittiness gets you a husband. Wit is when you can jokingly tell your boyfriend to get his sh!t together without him feeling attacked. Wit is when you can talk slicker than he can and make him happy rather than just make him smile. Wit is the difference between a nagging girlfriend and a woman you don't want to disappoint.
Fitness and Appearance Management
Before a man gets married, he evaluates your ability to maintain your weight and appearance. So many marriages end because of looks. A man may become resentful toward his wife because she didn't maintain the image that hooked him in the first place. There is some wiggle room for children, work, etc., but men are visual creatures. Honestly, men fall off too but we're talking wife material.
Annoyance
Women are sometimes annoying, not in necessarily bad ways, but just "I wanna be up under my man" ways. There will be times that you guys will be in close quarters with one another and he’ll have to ask himself if he could do this without killing you. If he can endure this, most likely you're a keeper. If your innocent yet redundant questions don't bother him, then that man loves you...take my word for it.
True Friends
Regardless of the good sex or the other stuff, are you all genuinely good friends? Does he confide in you? Does he share his most intimate thoughts with you, without a fear of you being judgmental? Can you make your man laugh and forget about his worries? Making your man smile is just as important as making him cum.
Argue Fairly
At one point or another, men usually come to the understanding that they will never be able to out talk or out-argue a woman. As a woman, however, you should understand that sometimes it’s better to be loved than to be right. Every little thing isn't worth an all out verbal brawl. You should also know that you cannot tell a person who they are(liar, cheater, etc.), you can only tell them what they do.
Loyalty
A man wants a woman that is loyal. This is the predominant component of male-male friendships. Loyalty and honesty are the end all, be all of a relationship. Even if the two of you have children, he should come before them. Even in the Bible, God said "God first, spouse second, children third, and church last." The only thing that should be able to get between you and him should be clothes(when you're in public). <- or not. Lol
Overwhelm His Senses
The reason why men cheat is because we like variety. Become his variety, stay on top of your game. If he likes sexy black pumps, wear 'em. He likes that Lotus Flower Bomb sh!t, cop it. Take interest in and take heed of the things that he likes and loves. Know that man better than he knows himself. If his interests change, take notes. Study your man, but don't try to figure him out; just enjoy the subject.
Hope/Optimist/Support
Nothing may be more important than a woman who supports her man's endeavors(rational). A woman needs to be her man's cheerleader, just as he should be for her. If he has an idea, you should support him. If you all got divorced you would want half, so every effort in forwarding himself as a man, you both should go half.
Impress Them All- Moms, The Boys, Even the Ex's
What is the impression that you have on the people in his life? Their opinions will matter once he believes he has courted you enough in solitude. Can you gain his mother's trust? Can you make his boys laugh? Can you make his ex, you know, the one who doesn't want to leave the picture, respect you because even she can see that you're a good woman? Can you woo his boss and work family? He needs to know that you won't fold in these relationships and that you will be an asset rather than a person he has to defend every time you leave the room.
Was this list finally enough for you? Do you believe you can make that perfect man you have now wife you up or do you believe you are too far from his ideal? Do you understand us better? What did I say that you weren't aware of? Have you like theSUNK on FACEBOOK yet? Would you sharre this post with your friends?
I tried my best, I hope you appreciated it. Love ya'll! BE EASY but NOT THAT EASY. MUAH.
Labels: are, black, family, life, love, man woman black relationships, marriage, material, sex, why, wife, wifey, you
posted by theSUNK at
2:51 AM
5 Comments:
According to this list, no woman is worthy to be wed. It doesn't sound like men (the hallway) are looking for a real woman (wife), but instead seeking for the "ideal" woman, something more of a fantasy rather than a realistic individual. I come from a family of marriages, couples that are celebrating their 35th anniversaries etc. None of the wives I know have ALL of those attributes. I'm not sure if you’re depicting a list from wants and/or desires or from pure necessity. And if so, which traits from the “thesunk’s top 20” are vital for a woman to have in order for her to be deemed “wife material”?
@Anon
I must disagree with you when you say "according to this list, no woman is worthy to be wed"...Because even though I listed 20 things. As people we possess so many qualities, we are so unique and we are ever-changing... that I know this list is still general. It really isn't as specific as you are trying to portray. Yes, you see twenty things on one blog and you say "God Damn this guy is tripping"...but these are attributes or challenges that arrive in everyone's relationship every once and awhile. And at that particular time is when you can make or break your relationship.
Another thing is though you come from a family of marriages, can you truly say you know each and every one of those husbands thoughts, wants, and desires? Also maybe you're selling the women in those men's lives short as well...People always say, "you cant judge a person's relationship, everything doesn't work for everybody."
A lot of women are marriage worthy, but they just need to polish their game and understand men a little bit better. Let me re-iterate, a lot of these things arise in relationships, but are sometimes salient. However, as a woman when certain obstacles confront you, you have to be on them from jump street.
I think the most important traits are WIT, WORST DAY, TRUE FRIENDS, ANNOYANCE, and HOPE.
"You graduated from college with a 3.6 and you were in the top ten percent in your class, so you think you're hot sh!t...nope you're not"
I agree totally with the fact between intelligence and wit don't get me wrong but you got to admit even if a woman is as boring as a brick wall that if she graduated top ten percent in her college class it is impressive. Not saying that alone makes her the right woman for somebody, definitely not, but that should still be very impressive to a man. Just saying!
"A lot of women are marriage worthy, but they just need to polish their game and understand men a little bit better."
Just a suggestion, not trying to piss you off or anything, but maybe BOTH men and women should get off their high horses. If you are going to marry someone, you shouldn't be playing these little games with them. So what if my mom has glaucoma and my dad is shorter than the average male? I turned out alright! & if you really loved someone, it would matter if your kids were short, am I right? Because behind my short daddy and my ill mother are some of the best damn people you will ever meet, they love each other and any future son-in-law will love them to if they would like any part of the million dollar mineral rights we own in Texas. Just saying! LOL (: But forreal, I know this isn't freaking church or anything, but I really think that people should approach situations like this in a much more humanistic way, appealing to humanity and accepting that you aren't going to marry a perfect woman unless you are a perfect man and vice versea. Im not hating on The Hallway, you nailed the game down for sure! This is really how it is now-a-days! I'm just giving you my personal opinion and saying that I wish it wasn't like this..
Q: Was this list finally enough for you?
A: It was enough for me the first go round.
Q: Do you believe you can make that perfect man you have now wife you up or do you believe you
are too far from his ideal?
A: I believe he will wife me up, the things that you stated above made me think if he does it, and when I do the things like the annoyance or high maintenance does he trip? When I thought about it I knew the answer and he loves me better when I'm on my worst days ;-)I know my man and he knows me....
Q: Do you understand us better? What did I say that you weren't aware of?
A: I actually was aware of it all ;-) you just made it a bigger picture and gave me a bit more understanding
Q: Have you like theSUNK on FACEBOOK yet?
A: Yes
Q: Would you sharre this post with your friends?
A: Indeed!!!!
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