Guest Post: How to Be a Successful Stripper for Dummies Part I

This could possibly seem hilarious to many of those who don't approve, but oh well, who's asking you? Dancers are just like your average jobseeker that seeks a place of employment.


The Interview Process: You google/browse/mapquest and ride out to tour this club and that club, compare it to this club and the other club across town and weigh your options. Just as much as they are interviewing you (ass, titties... check), you definitely have to interview them (environment, crowd... check). Although, you are going into business for yourself (which you later find out), you are still working out of their establishment. Kind of like renting a booth in a barbershop or beauty salon. And just like a barbershop or beauty salon, they want to see your work. Some clubs will have an "Amateur Night" and some will throw you up there like you should already be a pro. It's a competition. Winner takes all: a position, possibly a cash prize, and the confidence to know that you got what it takes.


Work Preparation: So you knocked them off the map!! Go ahead girl with your bad self!! Now it's time to get your strategical business plans in order. In order to bring in the real cheese and possibly enough to spread, you're not going to be able to do this with your looks alone. No, sweetie, your face never mattered. You are going to be working among some of the best bodies in the business (or maybe not, depending upon the club you chose). You are selling an illusion. It takes money to make money and in preparation, here, is where your real business plan begins...


Costume: #1 priority! Making dreams come true wins the race. You are and have to be every person this man or woman could have ever dreamed of. You are the "Kinky Cop", "the Naughty School Girl", "the Snow Princess", "the American Flag", possibly the key part to the fantasy as the "Other Woman" that some married couple keeps bringing up, with every visit. As cute as you are, standing in front of the mirror with your pieces on, you have to be able to work magic for at least 1 or 2 songs. This is not a fashion show, it's a talent show and you are here to perform. 


Shoes: Stilettos are a requirement. Nothing less than 4 inches. So if you are not good on your feet for hours at a time, then this is not the job for you. Hair, makeup, extermination of body odors, consistent hair removal, physical fitness (yes, your health matters)... all sounds like MORE money to me. It pays to be a star... AFTER you pay to look the part. Strip club goers are visionaries. It is your job to cater to whatever it is that they may be LOOKING for. If you can't project the visual, fuck the recession, your business is an all time EPIC FAIL.


The Business Plan: When someone thinks of this particular profession, along with hoe and prostitution they think dollar signs. But let me be the one to pump your breaks. Although, this could seemingly be a prominent business, it only turns out to be that way if you have a promising business proposal in tact for yourself. Although you fill out W-2's and sign employee handbooks that complete your hiring process as if this is a real job, YOU SIGN YOUR CHECKS (or better yet, your bank deposit slips). Create your own hours and set your own standards. Yes, my darlings, you are now, officially an entrepreneur. 


As soon as you walk through the door, it is grind time. If you promote yourself with business cards and whatnot when you are off the clock, then it is your job to remember faces and to cater to the locals/tourists while they are in your place of business. We are trying to establish and maintain a clientelle. Able to give good conversation, good personality, and dance your ass off at the drop of a dime to any song. And Please Don't forget!!... they are mainly here to see your most valuable ASS-ets. Agree to everything, laugh at every joke, and know just what he/she needs to scratch that itch not in the sense that a hoe might. And now that you are on the floor and "in business", you have to make sure that everyone on your roster(strip club personnel) receives due process. Speaking of which, let's jump right in...TO BE CONTINUED

Are you a stripper? Have you ever considered being a stripper? Did you ever knew there was so much of a business aspect to becoming a stripper? Are any of your friends strippers? How do they like it? How do you like my guest blogger Candi?

For more posts and good reads, click here and LIKE theSUNK on FB

Written by Candi. Candi is the creator of the blog Sense So Common. Candi expresses the real, the raw and uncut truth passionately and intelligently...Her moves are only reserved for the keyboard and for her readers because she understands that maybe Sense Isn't So Common.

Get Your theSUNK boyshorts or t-shirts ($30) by clicking here.