Guest Post: 10 Things a Grown Man Should Never Do on a Date With a Grown Woman

Kat from DMVSingleLadies is always spitting that older auntie that's too grown to be sugarcoating it for you type of knowledge. Today, Kat tells Grown Ass Men Ten Things They Should Never Do on a Date with a Grown Ass Woman:

10.  Don’t assume that just cuz she said  “Yes”  she’s feelin’ you like that.  She probably just wants a free meal.…  So if you want her like that, you gotta work it like that. She may have took the bait, but you still gotta reel her in. Grown azz men recognize they gotta work to catch a grown azz woman.

9: Look Good. Grown azz men know how to dress. Don’t come up on no woman on a first date lookin’ like you just rolled off the couch and threw on some jeans. That’s childish shit. Look good, smell good, and brush your teeth…no grown azz woman likes to smell armpit sweat, funk mixed with Axe body spray, or any scent coming out your mouth.

8: (And this one is a stalker alert.) Grown azz men don’t show up with weird first date gifts. That’s just creepy.

This one dude I went out with had the nerve to show up with a sundress.  I know, right!!! Guess Why?!? Cuz he likes women in sundresses!!! How weird is that?!?  What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!? 

7.  Man Up!  Grown azz men make decisions. You choose the time and place; you make the date. Sure you can ask her what she likes, but you do the rest. Otherwise she gonna choose some place outta your price range and you gonna feel all stupid and resentful. And if the bitch shows up in stilettos, please make sure it’s a “sit down” date worthy of her outfit. And by worthy I don’t mean expensive cuz first dates don’t gotta be expensive.

I went out with this one guy (and y’all know I was dressed up and looking cute) and all we did was get some 7-11 and go sit in park and talk. It was a nice first date….where he fucked up was when he told me, he pretends to be a cop and sometimes people think he’s a real one.

“Huh?!”  I know y’all see the look on my face. “Why the hell do you do that?!”

“I hang out with cops so sometimes people think I’m a cop.”

“But don’t you think people think you’re a cop cuz you pretend to be a cop?”

6:  Hold the door. Be a damn gentleman. Even if you never do it at work or at the store or at the club, do it on the date. Grown azz men know when you treat a female like a lady, she feels special. And women like to feel special. And when women feel special, they come back for more of that special feeling. And if you want her like that, you want her to come back.

5: This one should be simple but by the end of summer, I found out it ain’t! Grown azz men know surprises ain’t good for first dates.

So what’s a surprise? Let’s just say when this one dude rolled up with his kids in the car, I was surprised….

I know right!!! How weird was that? He said his ex was gonna come by and pick up the kids. Well goddamn, y’all couldn’t figure out any other way to work that out!!!  Four damn kids sitting in a car staring at me. 

He pulls up to the curb and I was like, what the hell?!?  So when he hops out, I said, “Are those children?!”  Honestly, I was kinda hoping they were just small animals.....….

4: When you see her compliment her. Grown azz men know how to compliment a woman. Don’t look her over, stare at her titties, or lean back and look at her azz. Or worse, my pet peeve, say something stupid: 

This one dude told me I looked like a slave….well he didn’t actually say “slave” he said “Cicely Tyson...“ But has not this bitch always played a slave?!?!   

He grinned, I frowned. I said,  ”Didn’t she play a slave in Roots and Harriet Tubman, a runaway slave, and oh yeah, Ms. Jane Pittman who looked like a old slave?” That big-ass grin on his face went away, his eyes got all big, he started stuttering….”I.., I.., I think she pretty”…I  put my hand up….”Stop.” I said. “Just stop.”

But that’s not as bad as some dude thinking that saying “I like what I see”  is a compliment.  No woman gives a shit if you like what you see.

To make this easy, here is a quick list of safe first date compliments:

         You look really nice

         You look very pretty

         The first time I saw you I thought you were beautiful

         The moment you walked in, you lit up the room

         That’s a very nice outfit

         That’s a nice scent you’re wearing

And my personal favorite: Thank you for coming out tonight.

Pick one of the “You” compliments, one “The” compliments, and one “That” compliments and add the “Thank you” compliment. And I guarantee, you will not offend a grown azz woman on the first date!

Negros, the bottom-line is  first dates ain’t about you… and that’s number three. And number three’s real important cuz number three will get you the sha-nay-nay quicker than anything else.

3.  It ain’t about you.  You asked ME out so it’s all about ME. Grown azz men know, first dates are ALWAYS about the woman. Letting a woman talk about herself and acting like you give a damn will get you the V quicker than flowers, candies, dinners, teddy bears, compliments, and even jewelry. The only thing that might top that is home repair…let something in a woman’s house break and you run over there and fix it, you most definitely will get the V and probably a sandwich afterwards. 

This one dude must've been?…that’s cuz all he did was talk about his self. Nobody gives a shit that you’re a Taurus when you didn’t even ask me what my sign was. Nobody gives a shit that you like to kiss and hold hands on the beach.  I told the “deaf” guy I was a drummer and not because he asked. Get this, he leans forward and says, “I like to watch t.v.” That’s why I thought he was deaf!! I sat back and said, “ok.”

2. Grown azz men are prepared. Grown azz men live the Boy Scout motto on the first date “Always Be Prepared.”  Car breakdowns, restaurants overcrowded, fighting in the club; circumstances will flip the script on your plans so fast you ain’t got time to think. Being prepared means having that fresh condom in your wallet too…( which ain’t necessarily a good thing cuz if she anything like me, she may just break it off cuz she don’t give a shit what you think and has no intention of seeing you again.)  

1. Thing Grown Azz Men Do Not Do On First Dates With Grown Azz Women: Is make it a booty-call. First dates are not booty-calls.  A booty-call is a booty-call.  Urban Dictionary says it best:   A booty-call is a conversation aimed at getting in the pants. It’s not an invite to a movie or dinner, it’s not just coffee or a casual or formal get-together. It’s just a plain old-fashioned "let's fuck." 

A grown azz man knows when he asks a woman out on a date, that’s what it is. He might get the reject fuck(to be discussed) if she's bored or curious, but if he really feeling this woman and wanting to see her again, he gonna keep his dick and all his dick conversation in his pants. 

What's the wackest thing a man has ever done on a date with you? Have you ever ended a date? What was your worst date? What shouldn't a woman do on a first date? Can you admit to ruining a date?

Written by KAT, the same woman who brought you An Ode to F^cking a Married Man and What Is This!? Kat is the creator of one of my favorite blogs called DMVSingleLadies, where she comically talks about her dating nightmares and drops gems to the women that are single and dating. Kat is every woman's best friend with so many "Girl, So Let Me Tell You What Happened to Me" stories that she could feed a small country. Go to her site and see why I like her so much. She's thePUNK(People U Need 2 Know).